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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

May 11, 2005

Who wants to live forever?

Sometimes things happen that make you understand why Bubby Lord Beelzebub kindly chose to make us mortal.

My wife has an amazing ability to loose my sunglasses. When I say loose, it would be more accurate to say "vaporise them miraculously when nobody is around, such that they are never seen again in the eternity of time hence."

It usually happens after she has driven my car. I keep my sunglasses in my car because the sun visor has broken off (the kids did that). So when it's sunny I actually NEED the sunglasses to drive. So I try to hide them if I know she'll be using my car.

My car's been broken for a week so I'd taken the sunglasses out and kept them in the other car, to stop the garage loosing them (like they did when I razed that bus shelter).

Anyway the car came back yesterday. I took my sunglasses out of the other car and FOOLISHLY took them into the house and placed them on the fireplace, with a view to putting them back in my car this morning.

Hah hah hah hah! Foolish mortals never learn! In spite of the sunglasses still being there when I went to bed last night, I forgot that my wife was on an early shift today, so this morning when I got up at 6.30 am it was too late. She had vaporised them.

Add to that, that my daughter forgot to feed all her pets this morning, so I had to do it at the last minute.

And the bus, dustbin lorry, and ambulance that I got stuck behind on the way to work.

And you realise that immortality would be really fucking irritating.


  • That would be "loses" your sunglasses you mean? Unless you mean she loosens the little screws on them and makes the lenses fall out? That would also be funny.

    There's a sign up in the BP garage newar my house: "Lock it or loose it!"

    I expect this sign is up at every BP garage in the country. I like the vision of cars escaping from garage forecourts like bouncy spring lambs. Get DOWN Shep!

    By Blogger bot37363838, at 3:12 am  

  • Correct.

    My spelling has gone to wank over the last 5 years. It's computers and that innit.

    By Blogger SimonHolyHoses, at 10:14 am  

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