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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

January 23, 2006

One of my teachers

I was thinking about this over the weekend. It concerns my teacher when I was 7. I was at Porchester Road Junior School in Nottingham. It was my second year there, which would make it 1971 or so. I won't mention my teacher's name, but his surname began with a "W".

At the time I didn't think anything of any of these events, but the more I think about it the more I come to realise that he must have been a despicable cunt.

First, we were learning about animals and nature. We had some assam silkmoths at home and I asked my mum and dad to bring one in to show my teacher. When they did, my teacher accidentally let it escape and the windows were open. When I think back to the circumstances, I'm convinced that he did it on purpose. Now some of you may think that was a Good Thing to do, but you would be wrong. Assam Silkmoths are not adapted to survive in the wild in the UK. They are large and conspicuous and it would almost certainly have been attacked by birds immediately.

Second, I can't remember what I did to get treated in this way. I think I might have said "hello" to a girl who I liked, called Michelle. That was all. All I really remember is him storming across the room, and dragging me by the hair across to the front of the class. It hurt so much that I wet myself slightly. I think I also got slapped across the face after that.

Third, and this really proves the fact. He taught the class to sing the Siamese national anthem. I remember that we thought it was cool to know a song in a different language. I remember the words to this day. "Oh wah tah nar Siam." He wrote them on the blackboard. Two years ago it occurred to me that, recited out loud, these bare a remarkable similarity to the phrase "Oh what an arse I am" in English. What sort of cunt would get a class of 7 year olds singing that? There was nobody else around to hear the joke. Just him. Which in my mind makes him a nasty, cynically cruel, piece of shit.

I hope he is dead now.


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