On day release

Recently I've taken to wearing a grandad coat. It zips up on the wrong side, but I don't allow that to trouble me. As a youngster I wouldn't have been seen dead in it, but now I'm older I'm less concerned about these things because I know there isn't anything that can't be resolved with fists.

Anyway, it has other advantages. This freakish coat, coupled with my excessive nice manners, means that I appear to the casual observer to be on medication. That's no bad thing round our way. For once the schoolkids in the chippy respect my personal space, and the woman who works in there and used to be pregnant doesn't get overly familiar with me.

It's a useful device, I can tell you.