But Seriously

All the stuff about Brando at the weekend made me think. I'd never deny Brando's status as an icon, or minimise his influence, but in terms of sheer quality as a movie star, or even as an actor, I've never rated him. Steve McQueen, on the other hand, was a proper movie star, and a brilliant film actor to boot.

McQueen's greatest gift was the ability to do less, to do less and less, on screen. Several things about Brando make him less than excellent as a film star.

• Poor films for a start. Examine the evidence. His early outings were overblown glorified stage plays or just overwrought melodramas. Tennessee Williams is rubbish, okay? And A Streetcar Named Desire is utter bilge. As for On the Waterfront, well, *yawn*. And in The Wild One he looks fat and old, which is pretty authentic for a biker these days, but not in 1953.


• Whiny voice. Jesus, but Brando's voice is weak, whiny, and annoying. "I coulda been Somebody. I coulda been a contender." No, you couldn't. Not with that voice.


• More crap films. After the crap films he made in the 50s, he went on to make some truly terrible films in the 60s, the decade of crap self-indulgence. Crap films with Liz Taylor, for example. So instead of being at the peak of his powers, he was a combination of Michael Winner and a kind of cowboy Jimmy Tarbuck in a late episode of Twin Peaks: that good.


• Mumbling and the Method. Whatever Brando brought to a film, it wasn't the inner life of his characters. It was just a bunch of mumbling and pointless improvisation. His legacy is a bunch of ac-tors who take themselves too seriously and generally set about boring the pants off all and sundry with their "projects." Cheers for that, Marlon.


• Did we mention the crap films? Not content to let the 60s slide by without a decent film to his name, he kicked off the 70s with The Nightcomers, and saw fit to give us The Missouri Breaks. So he was in The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, which are films very popular with Boys... personally I'd rather watch 10 Things I Hate About You than either of those. As for Ultimo tango a Parigi, can you spell boring?

Now, Steve McQueen, though he has his share of self-indulgent flops, can at least point to a few decent (and popular) films, and some iconic scenes that don't involve listening to a whiny voice or a bunch of mumbling. The Great Escape, Love with the Proper Stranger, The Cincinnati Kid, these are all good films. He was cool, he didn't say any more than he had to, and he didn't bore the crap out of you with his "Method" acting. Plus he didn't end up like a fat old queen with sinusitis.