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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

November 23, 2005

Bush-Blair war row - the facts

The document referred to in the Guardian story Legal gag on Bush-Blair war row has come into my hands. It contains a transcript of an argument between George Bear and Tony Blush (names changed to protect their identities) on the subject of the war in a country I shall call Irakistan to protect its identity.

Blush: What's this I hear about your plans to bomb the BBC World Service?
Bear: I've said it before and I'll say it again: those commie bastards in I-rak-istan deserve-
Blush: That's Ee-rak-istan, you mean.
Bear: Don't start with me, Bony. You ain't got no mono-poly on the American language.
Blush: What-everrrr.
Bear: As I was saying, those commie bastards deserve a nukular strike.
Blush: That's Nuclear, you mean.
Bear: What the fuck you talkin' about boy? Who the fuck invented nukular weapons? You think we don't know how to fuckin' pronounce our own fuckin' products?
Blush: Well... if you look at how it's spelled.
Bear: I don't care how the fuck it's spelt, Bonio, that ain't my problem. My problem - and your problem - are those fuckin' I-rak-istanis and those fuckin' Elkeeds.
Blush: Al Qaeda, you mean.
Bear: I'm tellin' you, Bonny, you correct me one more time and I'll order a few "friendly fire" incidents in Basra. Don't think I won't do it.
Blush: But the World Service, George? Why pick on them?
Bear: I'll tell you why, Bonnet. Because I hear things, that's why. You got those fuckin' A-rabs and fuckin' French speakin' people on there, and I know they're makin' fun of me. I know they've got their beady little A-rab eyes peeled for every little mishtake I make, and I'm telling you now. You get those B-B-Qaeda guys to can it, or I'm not going to be responsible.

At this point, the transcript was snatched from my hands by an enraged official.


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