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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

October 20, 2003

The Horror...

I knew when I became a parent that I'd face days likethis. What a horrible experience.

Leaving aside the information that I find no magic in anything Disney (bar the odd Pixar production distributed by them), I can't see where they get this "100 years" nonsense from, either. Walt Disney was born in 1901, so we're 102 years on from that. And Steamboat Willie was released in 1928, which is 75 years ago. So if they'd said, "75 years of Disney Magic," what would have been wrong with that? 75 years not good enough for the people in marketing obviously. What will they do in 25 years when it's really 100 years of "magic"? And anyway, the most recent film in the production is A Bug's Life, which was 5 years ago. So it was 70 years of so-called magic, and I want 30% of the ticket price back please.

I wouldn't know where to start with Disney, were it not for The Book of Daniel, which contains a stinging critique of the whole stinking edifice.

So, you're asking, why did I take my own kids to see something I hate so much? Well, it wasn't my idea. But still, I believe people should be able to make their own minds up about Disney, religion, politics, anything else. I was taken to see Disney on Ice when I was young (think it was a works outing for Index Printers in Dumpstable); and of course I was taken to see Bambi, Dumbo, Snow White, and all the other horrors of the canon. I came to hate it, and maybe my kids will, maybe they won't.

It's like Barbie. Of course you recoil in horror when your daughter wants one, but if you said no, she'd just obsess on the subject for the rest of her life. As it is, I think Barbie is lying gathering dust under a bed somewhere, which is a healthy state of affairs.

One of my earliest cinema memories is of queuing down the street at the cinema in Dumpstable before it became a bingo hall. We were waiting to see The Love Bug. I have rarely been so excited. You don't want to deprive kids of excitement like that, and such occasions are all too rare. People don't queue round the block for films any more, do they? Last time I did was probably at the ABC in Nottingham, the old lady cinema, which isn't there anymore.


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