Marina

My Marine Band Harmonica has developed a duff note (5th hole on the draw, so it sounds crap whatever you play - that's bang smack in the middle). This is since having my new harmonica holder, which probably introduces too much drool. You should know about the Marine Band that it was introduced in around 1896, and is the original sound of blues, folk, and country. But its design hasn't changed in all that time, and the reeds (pearwood?) inside get bolloxed up easily.

So I was wondering whether to just get a new one, or a Hohner Pro Harp (modular) or some other brand, or whether I could somehow clean up the Marine Band (because it sounds so lovely), and I came across this gem:

"MARINE BAND HARMONICA : The procedure you need to follow in this situation consists of five easy steps: Step 1. Carefully place the harmonica mouthpiece up on a hard surface that is relatively flat and stable. An anvil will do just fine. Step 2. Using a 1-pound hammer, bang the mouthpiece as hard as you can. You may need several blows to crush the entire harmonica properly. Be careful to hit it straight on, so that the harmonica does not jump away from the anvil before all work is done. Also take care to hit the flanged parts on both of the sides as well. Step 3. Wipe the shed with a good broom and throw all the pieces in the waste bin. Be sure to include the box the harmonica came in. If so desired this box can be smashed the same way the harmonica is, although stepping on it with a good shoe usually suffices.

Step 4. Go to your local music store and kill the manager and the person who sold you this hamonica. If the manager and salesperson are one and the same or either one of them is not present at that moment, kill a random bystander to vent off your frustration. Preferably the same hammer should be used for this. If not available any decent axe can be used, provided it is very blunt. Be sure to set fire to the store prior to leaving. Step 5. Go to a decent music store and buy yourself a real harmonica, i.e. one that uses innovative techniques that have come available in the 20th century, such as plastic for the comb and stainless steel or chromeplated brass for the covers. The Lee Oskar Major Diatonic or the HeringBlues 2020 meet these criteria."