Celebrity

I felt sufficiently moved to write in a mildly insulting manner to The Register following this silly statement:

"But anyone who wants to suggest that an appearance on national TV makes a band respectable or mainstream should look up a little group called the Sex Pistols"

I called the author a dolt and pointed out that the Pistols were not only on national TV, but all over the tabloids, and beloved of 13 and 14 year olds - the very definition of the mainstream that thinks it's not, like Avril Lavigne, former folkie (or something), turned "punk" rocker.

The author questioned me by email, asking if the Pistols ever met the Royal Family, to which I don't know the answer, but it's a pretty feeble justification. The Pistols, in my memory, were some kind of cod-rock band, featuring a smooth, overproduced, blanket of distorted guitars. And they were surrounded by a circus of tabloid hype and outrage, all guaranteed to sell (mainstream) newspapers and (mainstream) chart records.

Anyway, should she dare to question my wisdom again, my secret weapon is John Lydon's appearance on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here."

In 1976/77 I looked on as all the dullest kids in my year faked the punk look and bought their Pistols and Damned records. I'm sure it was all very exciting for them, but hardly the anti-establishment global threat it pretended to be. They all went off to work as builders and decorators and Vauxhall assembly line workers, teachers, nurses, policemen and office drones.

Let's emphasise: everything is the opposite of what it is. Fact. Or as my friend Simon puts it:

It's like priests - they're all pervs but they take a vow of celibacy - self defeating: and people-who-think-they-are-experts-on-music constantly seek the rarer path of non-mainstream, but by the time they get to hear of something it already is mainstream, so again their aspirations are self defeating.