Resigning and job-seeking
The time has come for me to speak out. The secret scandal of British working life is the general shiteness of recruitment, interviewing, and (in particular) recruitment agencies. It's hard for people to talk about, because it's a secret squirrel kind of activity, the kind of thing you do without talking about it to anyone else.
Recruitment agencies are exactly as crap as those other charlatans: estate agents.
It's basically the same thing: a salesperson on commission, looking for a quick sale and easy money, but who basically can't be arsed to do any actual work.
A colleague is resigning today, and we were having a laugh about the previous employer of him and two others who work here, and how they had a resignation form letter on their network because so many people resigned all the time, due to the shocking salaries and working conditions.
Reminded me of a funny story my brother-in-law told the other day, about a guy who worked at his place, who printed off his CV on a network printer - but chose the wrong printer, so the printout emerged in somebody else's office. Because this individual had embellished his CV to such an extent (falling short of describing himself as the MD, but not by far), it was immediately circulated to all and sundry. Then, someone thought, hang on: if he's lying so blatantly about his current position, did he lie to us when we employed him?
And of course he had.
I've never lied on a job application; I'm honest to the point of stupidity, and that includes the replies I give to questions at interviews. I find the whole interview process a ridiculous chore. I've been involved in recruiting people where I work now, and it's true that you make your mind up about people within the first 5 minutes. You could almost shake their hand as you meet them in reception and say, "Congratulations, when can you start?" The more you speak to someone, the harder it is to be sure about your initial gut reaction, but it's rarely wrong. My employer administers a simple verbal reasoning and logic test, just to make sure of people. Some do badly on it, but the ones you think will do well, do well. Then again, we've even gone ahead and employed people who did badly on the test, just because we knew they'd be all right.
Job ads dismay me. Really: you look at the salary on offer and the "person requirements" and it's as if the HR people who put the ad in are living on a different planet. For a simple marketing job they essentially require Steve Jobs; for sales, they want the CEO of Tesco, and for cleaning the toilets they want Richard Branson with a loo brush up his arse (I can't wait for that search string to come up in Google, you pervert).
As the organisations become closer to civil service (e.g. university institutions, local government, and the actual civil service), the salaries on offer become lower in inverse proportion to the job description and selection process. The 16 page application form is followed by a selection panel which takes a whole day and consists of an outward bound leadership course, role play, presentations, and then a test. Finally, if you can shit a gold nugget on demand, they might shortlist you for the second interview.
As for signing up with employment agencies, forget it. Put them out of business, ignore them. My employer loves it when people just send their CVs direct (it's what I did) - because it means they can save the £2000+ agency fee, which you pay in order to receive a by-the-numbers form-generated CV containing multiple spelling and grammatical errors (all inserted by the agent) and a sequence of unsuitable candidates who totally waste your time and can barely tie their own shoelaces and dress.
Often the best people arrive as I did, by looking up interesting companies and applying direct, or through friends or former colleagues. Of course, civil-service style recruitment is all about avoiding that kind of nepotism or near nepotism, but face it: they, too, make up their minds in the first five minutes, but then waste whole afternoons viewing half-baked Powerpoint presentations and wondering if the biro in front of them is sharp enough to puncture an eyeball.
Feedback? You want feedback? Here's some for ya: gobshite.
Recruitment agencies are exactly as crap as those other charlatans: estate agents.
It's basically the same thing: a salesperson on commission, looking for a quick sale and easy money, but who basically can't be arsed to do any actual work.
A colleague is resigning today, and we were having a laugh about the previous employer of him and two others who work here, and how they had a resignation form letter on their network because so many people resigned all the time, due to the shocking salaries and working conditions.
Reminded me of a funny story my brother-in-law told the other day, about a guy who worked at his place, who printed off his CV on a network printer - but chose the wrong printer, so the printout emerged in somebody else's office. Because this individual had embellished his CV to such an extent (falling short of describing himself as the MD, but not by far), it was immediately circulated to all and sundry. Then, someone thought, hang on: if he's lying so blatantly about his current position, did he lie to us when we employed him?
And of course he had.
I've never lied on a job application; I'm honest to the point of stupidity, and that includes the replies I give to questions at interviews. I find the whole interview process a ridiculous chore. I've been involved in recruiting people where I work now, and it's true that you make your mind up about people within the first 5 minutes. You could almost shake their hand as you meet them in reception and say, "Congratulations, when can you start?" The more you speak to someone, the harder it is to be sure about your initial gut reaction, but it's rarely wrong. My employer administers a simple verbal reasoning and logic test, just to make sure of people. Some do badly on it, but the ones you think will do well, do well. Then again, we've even gone ahead and employed people who did badly on the test, just because we knew they'd be all right.
Job ads dismay me. Really: you look at the salary on offer and the "person requirements" and it's as if the HR people who put the ad in are living on a different planet. For a simple marketing job they essentially require Steve Jobs; for sales, they want the CEO of Tesco, and for cleaning the toilets they want Richard Branson with a loo brush up his arse (I can't wait for that search string to come up in Google, you pervert).
As the organisations become closer to civil service (e.g. university institutions, local government, and the actual civil service), the salaries on offer become lower in inverse proportion to the job description and selection process. The 16 page application form is followed by a selection panel which takes a whole day and consists of an outward bound leadership course, role play, presentations, and then a test. Finally, if you can shit a gold nugget on demand, they might shortlist you for the second interview.
As for signing up with employment agencies, forget it. Put them out of business, ignore them. My employer loves it when people just send their CVs direct (it's what I did) - because it means they can save the £2000+ agency fee, which you pay in order to receive a by-the-numbers form-generated CV containing multiple spelling and grammatical errors (all inserted by the agent) and a sequence of unsuitable candidates who totally waste your time and can barely tie their own shoelaces and dress.
Often the best people arrive as I did, by looking up interesting companies and applying direct, or through friends or former colleagues. Of course, civil-service style recruitment is all about avoiding that kind of nepotism or near nepotism, but face it: they, too, make up their minds in the first five minutes, but then waste whole afternoons viewing half-baked Powerpoint presentations and wondering if the biro in front of them is sharp enough to puncture an eyeball.
Feedback? You want feedback? Here's some for ya: gobshite.
posted by Anonymous at
Thursday, July 21, 2005
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