Turkey Shortage Fears Unfounded, say Experts

I was concerned when I saw this head line on BBC NEWS: Turkey bird flu 'deadly strain', that people would be forced to go without the traditional dry, tasteless meat-like protein this Christmas.

But no. They're talking about Turkey the country. Which I think they should be clearer about, in the circumstances. Little old ladies might have been killed in the crush in their attempts to stockpile turkeys.

I used to work with a little old lady, Connie, who used to get up at the crack of dawn and listen to the Farming Programme on Radio 4. Because farmers are always complaining about something, she used to come to work every day, full of news of the forthcoming potato/sausage/cabbage shortage.

I often use to upset her with my off-colour remarks, and she would hum hymns to herself under her breath, getting louder depending on how upset she was. So if I said, "Fucking farmers: bloody fascists," or something, she would go into a very loud hum of "All Things Bright and Beautiful." Quite funny, really.

Anyway, no Turkey shortage, although Turkish Turkeys may be in short supply.