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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

January 26, 2006

Transport Apocalypse

Only one thing kept me sane last night, driving home, and that was Jane Garvey's interview with the 4-year-old girl who was summoned for Jury service on Teeside. Garvey's interview was a classic of the genre. It was recorded earlier (wot? I thought it was FiveLive etc), and Garvey herself was clearly surprised they'd played the whole thing, but she shouldn't have been. Jade Martin was first sent a Polling Card, even though her name had been crossed off the voter registration form. Then a few months later she received a Jury summons.

The first few seconds consisted of Garvey trying to get the youngster to say hello. She gave up on that and asked her what she liked watching on the telly.

"CBeebies."
"Oh, yes, I like CBeebies, too. What's your favourite thing on CBeebies?"
Silence
"Bob the Builder?"
"No."
"No, that's for Boy's isn't it? What do you like?"
"Tweenies."
"Oh yes? Who's your favourite Tweenie?"
"Fizz."
"What about Bella? Too bossy?"
"Yes."
"And what about Jakey? Bit of a baby?"
"Yeah."
"Jade, do you know who Tony Blair is?"

Silence.

Speaking to mother Jessica, Garvey asked, thinking of the jury service, whether Jade was a sensible 4-year-old, and how long Jessica thought Jade could sit still. "About half an hour..."
"...and only if her favourite video is on," finished Garvey.

That should go on Garvey's greatest hits. If you follow the link above to the news story, you'll note that the council are insisting that they need to have a written request to have Jade removed from the register. It's nice to know that the Jobsworth is alive and well in teeside.

So. The roads. The A610 in Snottingham was closed for most of the afternoon yesterday, following a coach-motorcycle interface. It opened shortly before I set off for home, and it wasn't too bad, considering, except I then got stuck in a 10-mile-Southbound tailback caused by people slowing down to look at the umpty-mile tailback on the other side. I love it when people do that. I lurve it. I want to kiss the people who do that. With my fist of wrath.

The northbound problem was caused - drumroll - by a truck and something that was now spread over most of the 3 lanes. So the motorway was closed for several hours between J23 and J23a. Cars sitting behind the incident were in the for the long haul, their lights and engines switched off (apart from one - optimistic? stupid? - Audi driver, who was clearly so Important and Busy that he was confident of being let through). At the back of the queue, police were slowly getting around to turning vehicles round and sending them back down the motorway to exit up the on-ramp at J23.

Except, there was a problem, in that all the rest of the Northbound traffic was being directed off there, too, so there was complete gridlock on the roundabout above. The second tailback went back some considerable distance, but there were still ill-informed people joining the motorway at J22, only to encounter a queue. Back at 21a, there was another queue as better-informed drivers tried to get off onto the A46. Oh joy.

The apocalypse didn't end there, because the busy M1/M6/A14 interchange at J19 was also closed - initially to Eastbound traffic, and then later, the whole area was closed off until midnight, last I heard.

The roads were strangely quiet this morning, as if people who had finally reached home late last night had then handcuffed themselves to the bedpost and refused to get up.

I was just 30 mins late home, but Jane Garvey: I love you.

2 Comments:

  • It's worse now when you come across a jobsworth because most of them are computers and when it comes to it there isn't usually anyone (human) who knows how to correct the error.

    That's why you get the whole rigmarole of having to phone up every week/month and repeat the request for something, be told faithfully that the issue has been resolved, only for it to happen again next week/month. Forever.

    By Blogger SimonHolyHoses, at 7:32 am  

  • I will never forget Jane Garvey asking Britain's only human cannon ball what is felt like to be fired out of a cannon at 60 mph. His answer, delivered without a trace of sarcasm was "Fast".

    By Blogger Just Jane, at 4:26 am  

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