Doughboy Denies Boots to Blame

Unlike most Englishmen, I utterly refused to pin my hopes for the future on a pudgy faced doughboy with a high centre of gravity, so I'm not terribly devastated by Rooney's latest toe hernia. Nike are shitting themselves, though.

Rooney, paid £3million a year by Nike, denies that his new Nike boots, for which he is paid £3million a year to wear, put him on crutches. The Nike Total 90 Supremacy Boots (also known as Nike Casualty Specials) were being worn by Rooney for the first time in a competitive game. He is being paid £3million to endorse them. So obviously we can take him at his word.