On the Onion today

Nation In Love With Girl From Record Store. I like this bit especially:

"'I wanted to get the first Modern Lovers album, but I didn't want her to know I didn't already own it,' said Jody Osbourne of San Diego. 'To cover up, I told her some big, long story about how my friend is such a jerk because he borrowed it a long time ago and never gave it back. When I was done with this four-minute spiel, she just said, 'I hate Jonathan Richman. He's boring.' I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.'"

Right there. That's the story of my life.