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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

January 12, 2004

Cozy

Went for a bike ride on Saturday, my first for over a month, due to my commitment to produce as much mucus as possible in December.

I feel like I'm back to square one in terms of fitness, and I've definitely put on some girth (which is as it should be, in winter), so I just did a 5 mile quickie. It was windy anyway, and more than anything I hate riding in strong wind.

But this was the first time I'd ridden in proper cycling gear (I bought some a couple of weeks ago). My history on this is that I never, ever, buy clothes made of anything other than natural fibres. But a friend who knows about these things told me I'd need to get some proper gear. So I got myself a thermal vest, some shorts, a shirt, and even a "Windstopper" headband, so I could protect my ears from the wind and still wear a helmet. I wore a fleece jumper to complete the ensemble. No way was I spending forty quid on some tarted up jacket as a top layer.

All in all, more than I'd ideally spend on a pile of nylon that will probably melt/shrink in the washing machine, but a whole new world of comfort and warmth on my bike. I resent the price of sports gear to the extent that this is the first I've ever purchased, since compulsory school uniform stuff. I'm most impressed with the thermal vest. The shorts also, obviously, cushion one's arse. I felt a little sound-isolated in the headband, but it was more effective than just wearing a hat instead of a helmet.

The odd thing about Decathlon clothing is the sizes. A French medium is a US Small. I'm an XL, in Decathlon terms, which tells you all you need to know about the size/shape of French manhood. Much as I'd love to be one of those "petit" guys in freshly pressed faded blue jeans, loafers, smartly ironed shirt, and jumper neatly tied over my shoulder... I'm a big hunk of English lard.

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