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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

June 22, 2004

Customer Services

I was talking to one of the other parents at CJ's school this morning, who happened to mention that she'd deliberately visited Tesco last night during the football, anticipating that it would be quiet.

I said that I'd tried a similar thing, choosing to drive home last Thursday and listen to the first half on the radio, hoping the roads would be quiet. No such luck, of course. The roads were full of women on their way to Tesco, apparently.

In Tesco, she was shocked to hear them giving out score updates over the tannoy. She said it really annoyed her, because anybody in there obviously didn't care about the game. I suggested it was probably for the benefit of the staff...?

She said, "That's what they said to me when I complained. But I told them, 'Tough. I came here to get away from the football. I hate it and I'm fed up with it...'"

Really. at first I thought this was a little over the top, but then I thought, well, no, there are a huge number of people being oppressed with the Nazi flag waving and the hyperbole and the stupid Rooney-based headlines, not to mention the goldrush to cash in on the young porker (see link above). And it's all bound to end in tears at some point, either for the team, or the player himself, overburdened by hype and expectations and doomed to go the way of Best, Gazza, and other Jesus-like figures in the game.

Even Pele wasn't as good as Pele was supposed to be, was he? All good players go the same way in the end. They get hacked to pieces by the opposition, and start to go to ground early, as a defensive measure, until they end up with the reputation of a diver and a play-actor. In the whole history of the game, only Bobby Charlton took the lumps without taking the dives, and he's ended up on the telly advertising some kind of cake or something.

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