Punditry

As Ibsen once said, the football pundits are always wrong. If ever there was a case for payment by results, theirs is it. They went on and on before the last world cup about France and how they were favourites to win. But with Zidane injured and Henry sent off in the first game, they didn't stand a chance. On the other hand, I correctly predicted that Brasil would win, and Brasil, in the shape of Portugal, will almost certainly win Euro 2004.

England are rubbish, and can't master the basic techniques of football, like controlling the ball, kicking it in a predictable direction, or keeping hold of it long enough to do something with it. It's all a bunch of 8 year old boys running around the park chasing the round bouncy thing that never seems to go where they think it will. And England goalkeepers never seem to get beyond the stage of hoofing it up the field in a panic, ceding possession and starting the dreadful cycle all over again.