Butter Me Up

There's someone in the office, she has the worst diet. Lives on chips and cheese, crisps, and chocolate, in the main. Of course, she's off sick a lot. She just got a baked potato from the shop down the road. The bag had a pool of grease in the bottom. She said, "Look at all that butter."

Only it's not butter, of course, which is why I always specify "no butter" on anything I order down there. Not only is it not butter, it's not even halfway decent margarine. It's from a 160 litre vat of catering fat. They call it butter, but then Americans call apple juice cider, don't they?

Those people wouldn't know butter if Marlon Brando came up and smothered it all over their arses.