what's news, pus-y twat?

i try to avoid the news whenever possible, because it upsets me. i think there is an election or something going on at the moment. at least, there will be, in just over a week's time. my finger slipped and i inadvertently selected bbc1 yesterday evening, but it was ok because i discovered that the news had been replaced by the day today. when will a tv company be brave enough to say "nothing much happened today" and just play some nice calming music?

i miss the days when your average newsreader just sat at a desk, and you could imagine they were only dressed from the waist up. i bet you anything you like they will be dancing and reading the news within five years. it makes me want to kill myself, it really does. how many paracetamol do i need?