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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

December 08, 2005



How long do you last before you eat it?

If I bring sarnies or rolls to work, I usually eat them before 10.30 in the a.m. 'Twas always thus. When I was at school, I used to eat my lunch in morning break, even if it was still frozen (I used to make my packed lunches on Sunday afternoons - including home-baking the rolls).

Obviously, if I bring something different - like a microwaveable meal - I have to survive till lunchtime proper, but you still want to sneak out to the microwave 10 mins before noon, so that nobody gets in front of you with a baked potato. Today I have some of the kedgeree I made last night. I feel bad about it because the smoked haddock is going to stench up the microwave, but that's tough love. Or, I should say, that's tough, love.

Simon eats his lunch for breakfast. And then goes out to the cob van and gets something. And then goes down the road and gets something else. I exaggerate, obviously, for comic effect, but being in the office is boring so you just eat your sarnies early.


  • It is indeed a terrible thing.

    Office work transformed me from Jarvis Cocker on a starvation diet to Bernard Manning eating pounds of salt and chips.

    By Blogger SimonHolyHoses, at 4:46 am  

  • 12:06

    Just missed out on the microwave because a rep arrived for a meeting three quarters of an hour late (for a change). I rushed him out, but still ended up 4th in the queue, behind a Tesco ready meal, and two soups.

    By Blogger bot37363838, at 5:09 am  

  • I keep a bag of mini babybels in the fridge at work precisely so that I don't end up taking my lunch early. Taking your lunch early is hell if you work in a shop - mornings are quiet and afternoons are busy, so if you have it too soon it means several uninterrupted hours of middle aged women hounding you for the rest of the day. I try to take mine at 2.00 at the earliest, though I don't always manage it. I've been known to make it until 3.00 without eating.

    By Blogger Marie, at 5:47 am  

  • Reps and meetings are covered by Einstein in his special theory of relativity, published in 1905.

    Basically it states that as reps travel down the motorway they experience a relativistic increase in mass which causes spacetime to curve around them with the result that they always arrive, regardless of their own timeframe, at 12:10 (midday) relative to a stationary observer (you).

    Which, as you know, is when you planned to have your lunch.

    By Blogger SimonHolyHoses, at 8:38 am  

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