now wipe your bum

dr gillian mckeith reckons that for a healthy poo, you only need three sheets of toilet paper. this squares with what my dear old grandad used to say: "one sheet for up, one sheet for down, and one for polishing." and we've all had those magical days when we only need ONE SQUARE of paper, and discovered that even that was unnecessary!

my grandad also used to enquire of my nan, "do you want me to come in and squeeze your head?" if she was more than two minutes in the toilet. it's mental abuse really, but they didn't have mental abuse in those days.