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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

September 24, 2003


Strange Nottingham food incidents. The new girl on reception complained that the chip shop down the road didn't have any cheese.

I thought I'd misheard her. Chips and cheese? Do they mean us? It took me a while to get my head round the idea of mushy peas; and I still won't accept chips and gravy, chips and curry sauce, or chips and kebab meat.

You see, for some people, chips on their own aren't fatty enough, and they like to sprinkle cheese all over them as well.

They wouldn't blink an eye in Chris's Caff. I walked in today feeling frisky, and said, "I'm going to ask for an unusual combination, you won't have heard it before. Bacon.... lettuce.... and tomato."

This was an in-joke, for us boys. A couple of years ago, in the shop next door, some snotty local baseball cap boy yelled out, "Bacon, lettuce and tomato?!! What kind of a combination is that?!"

I do rice and cheese, though. It's comfort food. Boiled white rice with black pepper and grated cheese. Don't get me started.


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