liminal

Jane met me at the door.
"Hey. We haven't had much of a chance to talk."
"No, I know. It's been..."
"Frantic?"
"Well..."
"Well, doesn't matter. But I was just going down to the pool. Do you want to come down? We could catch up."
"Actually, I was about to go for a drive with Lucy."
"Oh. You've been spending a lot of time with her."
"Well, I guess."
"Something I should know about...?"
"No, not really. It's..."
"Never mind then. Catch you later."

After she'd gone I stood in the doorway and thought about it. It was true, I'd barely interacted with anybody since arriving. There was a chance this behaviour would seem supercilious, arrogant, to the others. Which would be a continuation of the way I'd behaved towards them at school. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with Jane, or Sally, or even Dave. Any of the others. But somehow, it was understood that I was going to look after Lucy. I mean, be her taxi, her sounding board, whatever she wanted. And if she wanted nothing, that was fine, then I'd be free. But if she needed someone to drive her around, I'd do it.

Guilt, obviously. And manifesting itself in a strange way. She'd said nothing, and I'd made no promises, but here we were. No matter what, I was going to do whatever she wanted to do, she came first. It's like we're married, I thought. Not just married, but newly married. And, with my heart pounding in my chest, I realised I was fine with that.

Lucy came up behind me. "Ready?"
"Always ready."
"Who said that?"
"I just did."
"No, it was in a book I think."
"Probably."
"So what were you thinking?"
"I was thinking about how much time we're spending together."
"I know. It's a bit of a scandal I think. Do you mind? I mean, I never intended to monopolise you."
"As long as you don't mind, there's nothing I'd rather be doing."
"Well, that's okay then, isn't it."

She took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Can I drive?"
"In your dreams."