Integral to the plot

Further to the smurking ban, BBC NEWS reports that ac-tors on stage and in studios may be allowed to smoke, even though it would be oooh illegal and dangerous, for non-Equity members. It's all about doing your own stunts, you see. Some actors are happy to get a stunt smoker in, whereas others feel it compromises their art not to be lighting up. Good to know that a government spokessmoker says,

"Exemptions are now being considered where smoking is integral to the plot."... and adds: "We will be consulting with the theatre industry on what they consider integral to the plot."

Stage hands, on the other, er, hand, will have to go and stand outside in the Smokers Corner by the bins.

But I'm a bit confused, because I seem to remember that joke (or jurk) shops used to sell fake cigarettes that were filled with talc, so you could puff on them to simulate smoke. It would be quite funny if people used those instead. They could stock up on squirty flowers and whoopee cushions at the same time.

Imagine the scene. Winston Churchill returns home from the Commons after giving a rousing speech about the war news. He pours himself a brandy (coloured water), sits down in his favourite chair (whoopee cushion lets out a fart), and "lights" up a "cigar" (blows talcum powder out of a brown cardboard tube). Lady Churchill walks in to ask what he wants for tea, and he squirts her with his comedy button hole carnation.

Another quality drama from the BBC.