Your house stinks and your car insurance just ran out

Adverts are rubbish at the moment, aren't they? They lack wit and guile. Another thing I've noticed is that there seems to be an incredibly limited amount of things being advertised. This may be a phenomenon of the new digital channels, but I find myself being bombarded with car insurance ads to the point where I feel like getting in my car and driving at 83 mph into a brick wall.

Air fresheners, room fresheners, are on constant rotation, too. In fact, ever since I heard that news report on the radio a while ago about how some scientists think room perfumes cause anxiety and depression, they seem to be advertising them even more. Probably shoring themselves up against the day when they are banned. Personally, when I use a room perfume, it makes me feel like getting in my car and driving at 83 mph into a brick wall.

I'm sick of the sight, too, of skinny male and female models with hobo hair and their jeans hanging round their arses. I think if they're going to push so-called beautiful people in my face they should at least be beautiful and not look like the sorriest kind of gormless fashion victims. There's a bloke at work with the hobo hair. He looks like an alcoholic street person. So they've gone from Heroin Chic to boot polish and Thunderbird chic.

I've now gone beyond that Generation X, "Oh, I'll buy your stupid product, but not because..." attitude to wanting to shout at people in shops about how crap everything is. I'm often mildly sarcastic in shops anyway, but people don't get it because they are thick. I'm going to adopt a hobo haircut and carry a tin of air freshener and spray it in a shop assistant's face one of these days.