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Hoses of the Holy in the Parallel Universe

October 27, 2003

As I suspected...

...The 100 scary moments thing was rubbish. I can't watch these programmes, so I just flicked in and out occasionally. I don't like the parade of nonentities they have commenting on things (original directors/stars are okay, but all these so-called comedians and 15-year-old Empire magazine writers, who they?).

It was predictable that most of the so-called scary moments were just things that made you jump. I remember doing just that watching Alien for the first time, but these aren't moments that then make you scared to be in an empty house or walk down a dark street. A lot of it was (surely?) stuff that made you laugh out loud rather than being actually scary. Like the "winner" Jack Nicholson in Boring Stanley Kubrik's boring The Shining. Or Linda Blair's head turning full circle in The Exorcist. If something looks fake, or otherwise ridiculous, surely you're not scared by it?

I remember when I did Mark's Horror course at university, I went into it with the attitude that I'd never actually been scared by any of these gorefests or jumpfests. Anything that evokes a supernatural world beyond the world is hard to be frightened of, epecially when you see the bluescreen effects of other dimensions, which are always rubbish, with a coloured fringe.

Stuff with zombies and stage blood and severed limbs and can make you turn away from the screen, and even have nightmares, but, you know. Psychological fear, where you leave the cinema or switch off the tv and feel deep unease, that kind of thing is so rare. I haven't watched that Blair Witch thing - I feel like it's been watched for me.

I just don't have the personality for it, I suppose. Some people, you only have to show them a rat and they have a panic attack. I'm not saying I'm never scared, but I was more frightened of Meg Ryan's lips than I was by most of the stuff in that programme.


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